Today, marks my 26th day, my final day of panchakarma treatment in the Ayurvedic hospital I admitted myself into in Kerala, India. I have spent 26 days inside, not going out, moving very slowly, focusing on deep healing on all levels; eating a lot of herbal medicines, receiving intense herbal body treatments, sleeping deep, meditating deep, laughing hysterically, and loving everyone and everything around me. I ushered in the new year here, and have been dancing and meditating with my fellow patients! The treatments go deep and the effects have at times been harrowing, and at others light and breezy. I have been allowing others to care for me as my body sheds toxins and reconstructs itself.
Today, I am leaving the hospital, and starting the next phase of my journey. I woke up this morning at 4am, with a smile on my face thinking, wow, I’m actually allowed to leave the hospital grounds today! Then suddenly a whirlwind of thoughts and fears blew through me, shaking me to the core. The sun had not yet risen to end the darkness of the night. As I’ve always known fears to grow bloated in the shadows, I lit my little oil lamp and sat for meditation. I called with all my heart to the one fathomless source of my creation, to the light within me, my heart blazing through the darkness and shadows calling out to connect to my deepest core. After an hour, a waft of blissfulness moved through my heart and forehead, and started percolating through my entire body. I then smiled and greeted the daylight as the sky lightened.
I’m so amazed at the force of the power within. When I am scared and sick and overwhelmed, it feels so incredibly real, yet it’s possible, just a moment later, if my body and mind are touched by that untouched core, it can all fade away like a bad dream. Just as the sunrise lifts the darkness of the night, in a moment, leaving the sky drenched in pink and orange.
I realize now, every day, no matter what may happen on the inside and outside, I can decide to have a blissful day of love and connection. It’s not a mental exercise or an intellectual decision, but a deep connection that is possible to keep alive. This deep connection can feed me at all times, no matter what. After having suffered much in life, as all humans alive can attest to! I can’t believe it’s actually possible. Yet, as they say seeing is believing; or more accurately I’d say, direct personal experience is the truest teller. I now stake my entire life on this core, with no logical explanation needed. When my entire being reverberates with blissfulness, what logical explanation do I even need?
Words can’t express how grateful I am to my Guru, I know that the beauty of my entire life is due to his grace.
Right now, I sit on the balcony of this tiny lovely hospital, looking at the chipmunks scurrying up the mango tree, the coconut trees dancing in the breeze, and the vast blue blue sky, and I give greetings to all this life! May all of us continue to heal every moment of our lives, and enjoy every step of the journey!